Manic Meathead Mess
by Ebony Glasse
Summary: ONE-SHOT Neal faces a huge, earth shattering problem that may change everything he ever had with Kel. Warning: Full of random rambling.


**Manic Meathead Mess**

Nealan of Queenscove was facing a huge problem.

That much Kel could deduce from his constant pacing up and down the carpet. As per usual, he had remained infuriatingly obtuse and nonsensical – for the very first time, not from talking too much and producing very little or no understanding. In fact, he had (as per usual) burst into her room dramatically, claiming he was in a huge predicament.

The moment he set eyes on her, though, his eyes had widened, his mouth had gaped open, and he looked (if possible) even more panicky than before. Kel had simply raised an eyebrow, barely looking up from the report she had to write to Lord Wyldon as he had proceeded with wearing out her carpet.

"Meathead, if you require a stroll, I am quite sure that there is ample space in New Hope for you to do just that." She commented, saying it a little louder than usual so that he could hear her above his own mutterings.

"I'm sorry, Kel!" he wailed – terrified - and ran out of her room without bothering to close the door. Merric, who had been passing by, poked his head in – saw her sitting behind her desk, confusion written all over her face with her hand holding her quill frozen over her report – and then turned to look at the direction Neal had run off to.

"...What'd you say or do to make him run off like that?" he asked, completely and utterly baffled.

"I just told him he could walk around a little more outside." She replied, shrugging it off. Neal was Neal – his dramatic (odd) behaviour was hardly anything new. She was about to continue her work when Merric strode purposefully to her table, and stared into her face with a rather freaky gleam in his eyes.

"Whatever it is you did, teach me."

He almost sounded desperate.

* * *

'_Kel was mad. Kel was mad. Kel was mad. Kel was so so so so so so so so mad. I can't refuse her. Not after her reaction just now. There's no way I could... but then there's all those old fogeys on my mother's side, and all the old fogeys on my father's side, and on uncle's side, as well as great aunt's side... and then there's _Dom_ too...'_

Neal continued pacing up and down – in front of the children of New Hope, who were practicing with their spears. They continued as usual, although their eyes were all on him. Meech was following his movements from left to right with his head, like a cat. Speaking of cats, two of them were sitting on the ground beside the point where – for some reason or the other – Neal would dutifully turn to go back and pace to the other side. As cats do, even they were following him with their heads.

'_....But she still means so much to me, enough for me to... I hope Yuki doesn't mind... and Dom, as well....' _he stopped his pacing and straightened up. He had made his decision. _'The Queenscove name is important. So is Dom. But this is Kel. There's no way I could-....'_

"Oi, Meathead, what are you _doing?" _a familiar voice drawled from a few feet away. Neal froze, then – with dreadful trepidation - turned around to see the speaker. To his ultimate horror, his cousin Domitan of Masbolle stood there, looking incredibly amused – although it turned into a look of utter confusion when said Meathead blanched and turned completely white.

"I'm sorry, Dom!" he wailed, and ran off, leaving his cousin and his squad in the dust with a bunch of cats, birds, a dog and a handful of children who demanded to know what was wrong with their resident healer.

Merric, who happened to walk by, watched Neal running off at hyper speed with his jaw hanging open.

"How do you guys _do _it?" he demanded, frustrated.

"Do what?" Wolset asked, wondering what it was that Dom had done that had made Neal run off so fast. Maybe it was because he was pointing his toes to the right? Maybe it was the position of the moon that night? Maybe he used the omniscient presence of cats and children?

Whatever it was, he had to learn it.

* * *

There was no way he could leave Dom hanging like that. He just couldn't – Dom wasn't just his cousin, he was his best friend as well. He had been there from the very start – especially when his brothers...

But just because she hadn't been there didn't make Kel any less important.

Kel.

Dom...

Kel!

Dom...

Kel?

Dom!

Oh, yeah, _Yuki_...

...

Nah, she wouldn't really care either way.

* * *

Neal was proving to be even more scatter brained than before. He gave Jacut period pills for his flu and potency herbs to Fanche for her headache. He operated on the arm of an ex-convict that had already been amputated and explained to Jump the difficulties of childbirth and what to expect. He continued being jumpy around Kel and seemed avoided being around Dom altogether – only waving his barely visible handkerchief over the walls of New Hope when he left.

Kel had tried – several times – to try and find out what in the name of Sakuyo was wrong with him, but he always ran off, howling his apologies. Kel would have hit him, except that he ran too fast.

When they left for Steadfast, he was so preoccupied he had even forgotten to wash his hands after the childbirth. She was slightly relieved that he finally did get down to realising that there was an actual pregnant woman before him that had been labouring for the past ten hours before his very eyes. Even then, it had taken ten people, eight sparrows, three dogs, five cats, a screaming woman and Peachblossom to make him stop telling her that it was just a nightmare, none of it had been real, she was going to be fine and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Suffice to say; too much energy was spent on trying to fix up the aftermath of his actions that she gave up after her early attempts. Even at the moment – long hours sitting in the saddle and growing sick of each other's company - it would not be safe to approach him.

See, he had more places to run away from her to.

That would have been extremely troublesome.

"So... animal flesh cranium, beg pardon your undertakings?" Merric asked as he rode up next to Neal. The latter gave him the look that everyone else had been giving him for the past week.

Kel sighed inwardly – Merric had turned into another creature altogether when it came to Neal, for some reason or the other. He was supposed to have stayed behind at New Hope, but his new found obsession for trying to speak to Neal had resulted in him condensing before them out of nowhere, nattering on about some excuse or the other (to be an escort, was it?) and promptly joined them.

The habitants of New Hope had all begun to whisper if it was a sickness in the head that only affected nobles – or maybe only Knights in particular. Something to do with the Chamber of the Ordeal, perhaps. For all they knew, their commander would be getting it any time soon...

"Thee, go yonder and divest thy presence from yours truly for a stroll!"

It was going to be a long, long ride...

* * *

Neal was, once more, pacing up and down. He still had not figured out the solution to his problem. He had been prepared to tell her that it couldn't be her – so prepared! – and then he walked into her room to see her just sitting behind her desk serenely... looking so prepared for what she would have to undertake – writing down what to say on that important day, as well (of that he was sure of)!

On what was to be the happiest day of his life!

The day he married the wife of his dreams!

But no!

There was Dom!

Yuki was not the problem here, of course...

Kel had then proceeded to ask him to leave, raising her voice in ultimate anger when she knew that _he could not let her be The One- _but was just too afraid to say so. She had not even run after him after that!

"...Queenscove, if you came all the way here to trample on my carpet, get out now before I trample you myself." Alanna the Lioness snapped, trying not to kill her former squire who had walked into her rooms as if in a dream and proceeded to pace on her carpet repeatedly.

Neal froze, and then slowly turned to face her. Should he talk it over with Alanna? No, no, no.... she would be biased towards Kel. She was pro-Lady Knight for everything. She would _kill _him before he would even be able to fully explain himself! Not being able to confess to his own ex-knight mistress! Afraid of letting others know the truth – this was what he had been reduced to...

She would undoubtedly want to know what was troubling him, but there was no way he could tell her. She would talk it over to Raoul, who would believe in his duty to tell both his sergeant and ex-squire...

The news must not get out.

There was no way he could tell her.

"I'm sorry, milady!" he wailed, running out of the room.

"At least close the door next time, Queenscove!" she yelled, using her Gift to slam it shut in her irritation.

Wolset, who had incidentally been standing around the area, narrowed his eyes.

What was the secret to repelling Nealan of Queenscove with such effectiveness?

* * *

"So what do you think, Peachblossom?"

The horse blinked at him, not knowing what else to do. As it was, the knight-mage was already covered with his slobber from his spitting – he couldn't bite it from the distance he was standing. The human had bewailed his deepest secrets and worries to the horses, not knowing who else to turn to for the matter.

Peachblossom snorted and then turned around – responding Neal with the wondrous view of his rump.

"As the world has; you, too, show your back to me." Neal said, disappointed, not bothering to note that it was not his back that Peachblossom so proudly displayed to him but his arse.

"Peachblossom says he just wants you to stop talking and go away." Tobe said, appearing out of nowhere. Unknown to Neal, his choice of words had been highly diluted.

"...None of you have any sympathy on my nerves." He sniffed. Tobe shrugged, supposing that telling him that his nerves had gone awry along with his mind was not exactly the right thing to say.

"Milady says Lord Wyldon be looking for you."

Neal froze.

Kel had sent for Tobe instead. She couldn't face him anymore – his feelings were no different. He had no idea how to approach her any longer, with the issue hanging between them. He had been running away at any opening she presented to bring forth the topic, but he knew he had to change tactics soon – she might get suspicious, although he did realise that she had reduced her attempts...

How could she be suspicious? She probably had assumed the decision he had made already and-...

Mithros.

Was that why she had stopped trying? Did she really think he would just drop her like that? Kel – Kel who he had sponsored as a page, Kel who had taught him some of the most important things in life, Kel who was his best friend and... And...Kel...

"...Sir Nealan?" Tobe said tentatively. "Lord Wyldon's a' calling?"

Wyldon? The Stump? Was she so distraught as to call upon his help? But of course, they had become rather close of late...

But The Stump – he was, undoubtedly, solid (thus his name). Neal was sure he could trust the man with his problem –he wouldn't just let it out like that... of course! Trust Kel to make the right decision on who to see!

"Thanks, Tobe! I'll go see him right now!" he said, gripping the boy's shoulders firmly in thanks before running off quickly to go look for Wyldon.

Wolset observed, only the top of his head visible over the horse stall. He ducked back in, jotted something down onto a scrap of paper while the old mare at his back chewed at his custom made straw hat (meant for camouflage). When the coast was clear, he left the hat with the mare to destroy all evidence and went off to regroup and rethink.

* * *

Kel gave a small frown as she watch Neal race towards Wyldon's office. She had never taught she would live to see the day Nealan of Queenscove run **towards **the direction of his Stump.

Something was _definitely _wrong with him.

"I concur, Lady Knight." Said a voice behind her. It took all her self control not to jump – she had not heard him approaching, her mind elsewhere. Apparently, she had also spoken out loud...

"Don't _scare_ me like that, Dom." She hissed, although she didn't turn around to see him – her eyes continued to stay on Neal as he practically shoved everyone else out of the way. Dom stood beside her, turned to see what she was looking at, and produced a frown that mimicked hers.

"I don't suppose we're both watching the same Meathead, are we?"

"If, like Merric, you are referring to mammal protein noggin, animal flesh cranium or... or beef brain, then yes, we are." She replied, frustrated with all the anomalies that the year mates around her had turned into. She normally wouldn't be so sarcastic, but their actions had been driving her over the edge lately.

"Who's he running away from now?" Dom added – Kel had to smile. The green eyed knight had done nothing much besides that when it came to them.

"Actually, he's running _towards _Wyldon... quite a number of complaints had been sent from New Hope about his healing. Usually they would be directed to me, but I suppose even they could see that I couldn't help them if said person continued running away from me." She murmured, thinking back to how Neal would scamper off whenever there was even a tiny sign that she would be around. Of course, seeing as they lived in a small area where in where she frequently walked around, signs of her were everywhere.

As a result, he could commonly be seen running in random circles all over New Hope.

"Why would he want to talk to Lord Wyldon with the same sort of desperation he has over avoiding us?" Dom mused. Something seemed to click in both their heads, and they turned to face one another.

"We follow." They both whispered, grinning maniacally as they stalked after their beloved mammal protein noggin.

* * *

"Milord Wyldon of Cavall!" Neal announced as he burst into Wyldon's office. Three dogs jumped up immediately, growling threateningly when they saw what was at the door.

"Jaw! Claw! Tail!" Wyldon barked out. Trust the Stump to have a creative imagination when it comes to names, Neal thought inwardly. He did not think much of naming them after parts of their body, although it was hardly surprising considering that this was _The Stump. _"Queenscove, sit." He continued, gritting his teeth.

"No! I shall not!" he declared.

"Queenscove-..."

"Milord Wyldon, you must pardon my intrusion-," Had Neal any idea how ironic that was? "But I am in dire need of your advice! I am torn between being my obligations... there is nothing that I can think of to do!" he said dramatically. As per usual, he continued this with pacing up and down in front of Wyldon's desk. Said person had no idea how to react at the moment – he was too out of touch with Methods of Dealing with Queenscove: What to Expect and How to React.

Therefore, at this ver crucial moment, all he could do was stare.

"My problem lies between my best friend – Keladry of Mindelan, you know her? The Protector of the Small? She's my best friend, you know – and my cousin, who is like a brother to me – Domitan of Masbolle. He's alright, I suppose – as well as my tragic self, for not being able to choose which is more important!

"I have thought long and hard about this. My mind is never at rest, I feel like they are everywhere – even right outside this very room (they did not hear the choking sound that emitted from behind the door) although there is no way that could be true! It haunts me – in the day, when I sleep, when I meditate... There is no escape!

"I feel as if all of us are going to get hurt if I don't say anything soon – but what can I do? I'm too afraid of losing the both of them – worse still, what if they end up never speaking to each other ever again? What if – because of me – the ties that bind them together become broken for all eternity? I can't have that burden on my soul! I can't make them suffer in such ways!

"Soon there won't be any time left. I need to come to a decision to find out who is more precious to me – but I can't weigh it that way! This is Kel – and Dom! I need to fix this problem five days ago but I can't think of anyone else but you – you, O Glorious Stump! – to help me figure this one out!" Neal finished off dramatically, his hands clutched over his heart.

Wyldon tried very hard not to hit him, while Kel and Dom pressed themselves harder against the door to hear what he was about to say (hearing Neal had, of course, not been in a problem).

"_Sir _Nealan," he replied, emphasising his Knight title as if trying to remind him the decorum that would be befitting of one. "As much as I cannot be bothered with your problems, the biggest problem right now is that you have dithered on and on but have _yet _to say what in the Black God's name _is _the bloody problem?" he got as close to shouting as not-shouting could have gone.

"...Oh," Neal replied, blinking. "Who should I choose for my best-man?"

* * *

**28.07.2009**

**I haven't even run through this thing to edit it because I feel so lazy and I just felt as if I _really, really _needed to write a fanfic and post it up soon since it's almost been a whole _year..._**

**I know, I know I still have my _A Brilliant Idea _but this idea stuck in and it was SHORT! **

**I'll be editing this soon, but it won't be by much. Hope you enjoyed it! =3**

**Much thanks for readin this piece of work!**

**29.07.09**

**A few minor tweaks here and there - not much, really. Just fixed a tiny major fact (AKA the fact that Gil would have not been around anymore by this time...)**

**Besides that, thanks to all the awesome reviews! It means so much to me! XD  
**


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